Mercurial > repo
comparison paste/paste.12790 @ 271:bec8968580d8
<nortti> pastefortunes
| author | HackBot |
|---|---|
| date | Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:37:30 +0000 |
| parents | |
| children |
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| 270:f5c767fe9ec3 | 271:bec8968580d8 |
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| 1 Lobster: | |
| 2 Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are | |
| 3 squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only | |
| 4 proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your | |
| 5 guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. | |
| 6 The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea | |
| 7 floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster | |
| 8 behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, | |
| 9 "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a | |
| 10 scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural | |
| 11 apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may | |
| 12 even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into | |
| 13 the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will | |
| 14 be, too. | |
| 15 -- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and | |
| 16 Utensils into Excuses and Apologies" | |
| 17 ----- | |
| 18 O \/ | |
| 19 #|_ (_| | |
| 20 ###\.___| | unk (couch potato) | |
| 21 ----- | |
| 22 Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! | |
| 23 ----- | |
| 24 A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by | |
| 25 blowing first. | |
| 26 ----- | |
| 27 ..uu. | |
| 28 ?$""`?i z' | |
| 29 `M .@" x" | |
| 30 'Z :#" . . f 8M | |
| 31 '&H?` :$f U8 < MP x#' | |
| 32 d#` XM $5. $ M' xM" | |
| 33 .!"> @ 'f`$L:M R.@!` | |
| 34 +` > R X "NXF R"*L | |
| 35 k 'f M "$$ :E 5. | |
| 36 % `~ " ` 'K 'M | |
| 37 .uH 'E `h | |
| 38 .x*` X ` | |
| 39 .uf` * | |
| 40 .@8 . | |
| 41 'E9F uf" , , | |
| 42 9h+" $M eH. 8b. .8 ..... | |
| 43 .8` $' M 'E `R;' d?"""`"# | |
| 44 ` E @ b d 9R ?* @ | |
| 45 > K.zM `%M' 9' Xf .f | |
| 46 ; R' 9 M .=` | |
| 47 t M Mx~ | |
| 48 @ lR z" | |
| 49 @ ` ;" | |
| 50 ----- | |
| 51 ''.. ) | |
| 52 '''. .' ( ( ( | |
| 53 .' '. ) ( ) ) ( ) | |
| 54 ''.. '. ( ) ( ( ) ( | |
| 55 }#{ (\*/) ) ( ) ) ( ) | |
| 56 " " ( ) ( ) ( | |
| 57 ) ) ___.--. ) | |
| 58 ) ) .''. .''...' ..'''.. \\\\ | |
| 59 ( ( _.-~~~-.'''.'' ''-. ; `** | |
| 60 ) ) ;****......._____.......****; `*. | |
| 61 ( .* `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' * `*. | |
| 62 ) ';`*. A steaming bowl of .*' `*. | |
| 63 ..''; `**. pasty turds. .**' `*. | |
| 64 ..'''.. '. `***. .***' `* | |
| 65 ___________`.......'..'____`**lester**amc**'______________ | |
| 66 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| 67 ----- | |
| 68 Lazy people never bother to actually read the manual. Instead they (like | |
| 69 kids) pick something with big, colorful buttons. | |
| 70 | |
| 71 -- Eugene Tyurin <gene@insti.physics.sunysb.edu> | |
| 72 ----- | |
| 73 * The_Answer_MD throws spaghetti at everyone | |
| 74 * taniwha eats the spaghetti | |
| 75 * Coderjoe tosses around some meatballs | |
| 76 * Knghtbrd gets the cheese | |
| 77 * taniwha grabs a red | |
| 78 ----- | |
| 79 It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn | |
| 80 ----- |