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1 Lobster:
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2 Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
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3 squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
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4 proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
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5 guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
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6 The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
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7 floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster
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8 behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
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9 "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
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10 scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
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11 apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may
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12 even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into
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13 the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
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14 be, too.
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15 -- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and
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16 Utensils into Excuses and Apologies"
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17 -----
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18 O \/
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19 #|_ (_|
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20 ###\.___| | unk (couch potato)
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21 -----
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22 Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
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23 -----
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24 A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
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25 blowing first.
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26 -----
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27 ..uu.
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28 ?$""`?i z'
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29 `M .@" x"
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30 'Z :#" . . f 8M
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31 '&H?` :$f U8 < MP x#'
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32 d#` XM $5. $ M' xM"
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33 .!"> @ 'f`$L:M R.@!`
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34 +` > R X "NXF R"*L
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35 k 'f M "$$ :E 5.
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36 % `~ " ` 'K 'M
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37 .uH 'E `h
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38 .x*` X `
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39 .uf` *
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40 .@8 .
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41 'E9F uf" , ,
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42 9h+" $M eH. 8b. .8 .....
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43 .8` $' M 'E `R;' d?"""`"#
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44 ` E @ b d 9R ?* @
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45 > K.zM `%M' 9' Xf .f
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46 ; R' 9 M .=`
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47 t M Mx~
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48 @ lR z"
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49 @ ` ;"
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50 -----
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51 ''.. )
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52 '''. .' ( ( (
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53 .' '. ) ( ) ) ( )
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54 ''.. '. ( ) ( ( ) (
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55 }#{ (\*/) ) ( ) ) ( )
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56 " " ( ) ( ) (
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57 ) ) ___.--. )
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58 ) ) .''. .''...' ..'''.. \\\\
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59 ( ( _.-~~~-.'''.'' ''-. ; `**
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60 ) ) ;****......._____.......****; `*.
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61 ( .* `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' * `*.
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62 ) ';`*. A steaming bowl of .*' `*.
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63 ..''; `**. pasty turds. .**' `*.
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64 ..'''.. '. `***. .***' `*
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65 ___________`.......'..'____`**lester**amc**'______________
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66 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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67 -----
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68 Lazy people never bother to actually read the manual. Instead they (like
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69 kids) pick something with big, colorful buttons.
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70
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71 -- Eugene Tyurin <gene@insti.physics.sunysb.edu>
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72 -----
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73 * The_Answer_MD throws spaghetti at everyone
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74 * taniwha eats the spaghetti
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75 * Coderjoe tosses around some meatballs
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76 * Knghtbrd gets the cheese
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77 * taniwha grabs a red
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78 -----
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79 It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn
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80 -----
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